Procrastination nation

I think I've cracked my problem with doing homework. It's work.

Also, like, Biochemistry is hard, dude. OMG LOL.!!!1!

But more than that, it's that I was too-concerned about doing well. As the prof said in the intro lecture, this class is composed entirely of people who have a reason to take Biochem. That is to say, the kids who make up the bottom two-thirds of every normal class are simply not here. 70% is a B here, and nobody who would get less than a C stays around. In other words, it's med school.

And I had been all worked up about how this means the end of my quiet life, and now I have to get all Type A and perfectionist. Weirdly, my slackerish tendencies derive from my desire to be perfect at everything, all the time, instead of a lack of caring. I struggle with something, I find it takes longer than I think it should, and I get all surly. And I don't like being like that. So, the internal logic goes, if I can't grasp the subtleties of alpha helices and binding regions quickly enough, then I'm screwed. I don't want to snap at people, so I may as well just put away the work that's making me feel bad and go play Lego Star Wars for another hour.

Except here's the thing: I need a C or better to pass the class, and proceed to grad school. I need a C or better in each of my classes, while in school. And as I'm fond of saying, I'm a PA student. I'm done competing with the other kids. If I'm learning, and if I'm putting together the pieces of my medical education in a way that helps me and my patients, then I'm doing fine. It's not about being the first in my class, or in the top 10%; it's about becoming the best damn clinician I can be. So I will do the rest of a chapter today, and I'll take the first of the practice tests. And if I get 70%, I'm going to relax and keep going the way I have been.

All I have to do now is enforce that policy with myself. We'll see.